Ann's tip

Don't immediately freak out if after putting your car in park it feels like you're still moving. Just might be that there is a car driving through the spot next to you!

Volume & Van

*The scrolling bar on the side of your computer screen does not control the volume.

* When walking up to your car in the parking lot, don’t freak out if you see people in your car. They’re probably just a reflection of the people painted on the van next to you.

Store, Shirt, and Squish

* Your purse isn’t going to do you a whole lot of good if you are at the grocery store and it is in your husband’s car at the tire shop.

* Check the mirror thoughtfully before heading out for the evening, you may just have your shirt on backwards.

* If your doormat seems a little squishier than usual, you may be stepping on a snake.

Bowl & Bounce

* When moving, it may be wise to double- and triple-check the microwave. Weeks after vacating you may find a forgotten bowl of oatmeal inside.

* Oh my heck. Two mornings in a row I had cars flashing their lights at me the entire drive back home after dropping my girls off at school. I didn’t know how on earth I could’ve annoyed them or what I could be doing wrong. It wasn’t until a few days later I realized the cars hadn’t been flashing me, they’d just been going over bumps making their headlights bounce.

Stephanie's Tip

If the volume on your laptop seems to be broken and the volume won't come up above what seems to be a distant whispering level, it could be because you plugged your new headphones into the laptop so you could listen to things without disturbing your coworkers.

Surprise!

* When unpacking, remember to unpack all your bags. It is not pleasant to find a carry-on full of left-over travel food from your last family trip.

* You should not be surprised to find your husband’s car missing when driving into the garage, especially if you’re driving back with him after dropping it off at the shop.

* When transferring milk from one container to another (because you accidentally bought skim milk and don’t want the kids to know), remember that when poured quickly through a funnel milk will foam up and overflow just like root beer. 

Erin's Story

Truth be told, I've never been great at walking gracefully in heels. In fact, even now in my 30s, I wear flats almost every Sunday because it's just better for everybody that way :D

So back when I was 15 it was popular to wear platform heels. My family had just moved to a new state and on one of the first Sundays at church I decided to wear my super cute platform heels with an A-line dress. Our Sunday School class was meeting on the stage because all the classrooms were occupied. Everything was just fine until it was time to leave. As I started going down the 5 steps from the stage, my heel slipped on something and I fell down, landing on my butt. Then proceeded to bounce down each step, my dress sliding higher and higher with each step, until I reached the bottom and my dress might as well have been nonexistent. Oh, and did I mention that the only 3 boys my age at church were walking behind me and saw the whole thing?! Yeah, that was fun. I never wore those shoes again!

App, Attention, and Already

* Your kindle app is not implying you’re reading at an emergent reader pace when it says “Learning reading speed,” it is simply stating that it is learning your reading speed.

* If your shirt is garnering a lot of attention, you may have forgotten to cut off the tags.

* No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to turn on a light that is already on.

Where is my brain?!

My son had prom this past weekend, which reminded me of my most embarrassing moment as a teenager; it’s probably the one that started it all. I was fourteen and with my friends at a dance. I always felt awkward and self-conscious; so nervous no one would ask me to dance. At one point during the evening I was awkward-middle-school-slow-dancing with some random guy. We were having a lovely conversation, but I kept being distracted by my friends who were making kissy faces and “right on!” gestures. I didn’t know what they were so excited about. This guy was cute, but not that cute. As we finished dancing he told me he had a friend that would probably like to dance with me, too. Sure enough, before I’d even gotten back to my friends another guy asked me to dance. Cool! I started slow dancing with him and tried to make conversation, but he seemed very uncomfortable. And, just like before, my friends were seriously distracting. They were jumping all around and making wild gestures and kissy faces. I was so confused! It probably wasn’t until about half way through the song I realized what all the excitement was about. It was a fast song. I had initiated slow dancing to a fast song! ...And the last song had been a fast one, too. ACK! Oh my heck!

(Yes. This is me getting ready for a dance way back in the day...) 

Whip, Wheelbarrow, and Whoops!

* Absolutely do not substitute Miracle Whip for mayonnaise when making mayonnaise cookies. (Yes, there is such a thing and they are yummy! Recipe in comment section)

* Before lending your wheelbarrow to a group of youth doing community service, you should probably make sure that both tires aren’t flat.

* The brake is on the left and the gas is on the right. If you get these mixed up you may find yourself driving through a fence in your brand new car.

Mosquito, Mess, and Moon

* You may want to pay more attention to the car driving in front of you than the mosquito flying around your head.

* When packing the RV for a trip, safely stow the gallon of oil in a cupboard. If you just set it on the counter it may very well fly off at the first bump, break open, and gush out all over the floor.

* Do not leave your diary on the airplane when heading off for your honeymoon unless you want a lot of snickers from the airport employees when they give it back to you a week later.

Cry, Concentrated, and Contact

* When trying to get a decent picture of your kids and their cousins, accidentally making your son cry will not help.

* If your baby has been projectile vomiting all day, you may want to make sure you’re diluting the concentrated formula you’ve been feeding him.

* You do not need to send your friend her daughter’s contact information, especially since she asked you to text her your daughter’s information. 

I Cannot Be Trusted

Oh my heck. So Hubby decided to take me to see comedic magicians last week. Now, I get anxious at magic shows and for comedians so why he decided I'd enjoy them both at the same time is beyond me... but he was right. Oh my heck, it was a fabulous evening! Laughed so hard I cried, saw some incredible slight-of-hand tricks, and even acquired a new embarrassing moment story to share. So everyone's a winner =) The first magician (John Shryock... amazing!) was doing a trick where he was asking A LOT of audience members to remember cards and after everyone had chosen cards he'd guess/find/reveal/whatever each card in a pretty amazing way. He chose my row to come down, asking each person to tell him when to stop flipping through the deck to find the card they'd have to remember. I was clear at the other end and as he got closer and closer I got more and more nervous because, come on people, do you really think I'd be able to remember a specific card under all that pressure?! When he got to me I actually told him he should ask the people behind me because I just knew I'd forget my card. A few laughs later he assured me I could do it... and enlisted the audience to help me just in case ;) So he started flipping through the cards and kept flipping and flipping and flipping... all the way to the end of the deck. Oops. I'd been so nervous about forgetting my card I hadn't remembered to pick one! Everyone had a great laugh over that one. I'm pleased to say he gave me another chance and I was quite successful in choosing *and* remembering my card =) Apparently that was a memorable moment because after the show (an hour and another magician later) I saw him in the foyer and he congratulated me for remembering my card LOL

Did ya miss me? ;-)

* You know you need to wake up when you stop at a green light.

* Sleeping in is made infinitely more difficult when you forget to turn off the pre-set alarm.

* If you keep your kitty litter box in the basement, the cat will find it easier to use if the door to the basement is left open.

Greetings! Yes, I know, I normally don't blog on the weekends. Just wanted to warn you that I'm going to be without my computer for the next few days. Since I haven't yet figured out how to blog from my phone I wanted to give you a heads up that I may be MIA for a bit. To tide you over I'll leave you with one tip to consider:

* When sharing a caramel popcorn recipe with a friend, there is a big difference between 6 cups and 6 quarts of popped corn.

Conversation, Carton, and Call

* Don't get involved in a texting conversation when you've got tortillas cooking on a hot griddle.

* You should probably not vigorously shake the milk carton if it's already open.

* Texting your husband will do no good if he called from work two minutes ago to tell you he left his cell phone at home.

Feel, Friends, and Flight

*If you feel a lot of grit when shampooing your hair, you may be using your exfoliating body wash.

* You should probably make sure you're not on your husband's account when requesting old high school friends on Facebook.

* I cannot suggest wearing jeans with large buttons on the back pockets for a 7 hr flight, unless, of course, you want quarter-sized bruises on your rear end.

Cat, Club, and Clothes

* If you hear a rattling noise coming from inside the bathroom cupboard, don't immediately assume you've got a ghost... you may have accidentally shut the cat in there earlier.

* When ordering a book for book club, the graphic novel edition is probably not the one you want.

* Before starting the washing machine, you may want to make sure you've actually put a load of clothes inside.

When...

* When leaving the house, you should grab your cell phone *not* the house phone.

* When registering your child for the SATs, make sure he is available on the day you are requesting. When you realize there's a conflict (30 seconds after submitting said registration), you will be charged a $27.50 late fee.

* When your car refuses to go very fast, you may want to check that you didn't leave the parking brake on.

Bath, Button, and Brush

* It's best to remove your watch and any jewelry before dipping your hand in a hot paraffin wax bath.

* When already exhausted from treadmill walking at a steep incline, hitting the "6 mph" button instead of the "6% incline" button is not recommended.

* When chaperoning an overnight field trip, it's important to remember exactly where you put your toothbrush or you may accidentally end up using your roommate's.